What About The Orchestra?
by TheShroom
Summary: What happens when the orchestra is discontent with their status and demand more recognition - and the Fellowship is in the way! *Gasp!* An update at last! Yes, I'm back. Sorry about delays!
1. Default Chapter

What About The Orchestra?  
  
A/N: Just so you know, when I say an instrument in this fic says something, it means the person who plays that instrument. It's how we say it in my orchestra, so don't blame me. And if I have a French Horn fixation, that's because I play it - and do you have any idea how many bars rest French Horn 3 gets in The Barber of Seville?!? Something like two hundred, that's all! Out of a 300-or-so-bar piece!  
  
Summary: The orchestra, sick of the little or no recognition they get for all their hard work, start a protest.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or the Orchestra. I do not even own my French Horn (.  
  
The Fellowship was beginning its trek southwards. Just as they crested a hill, with a beautiful mountainous landscape in the background, the dramatic music screeched to a stop.  
  
"That's IT! I don't care what you say, I am not playing one more note for this stupid thing until I get more recognition!" A voice echoed up to the puzzled men (and hobbits, dwarf, elf, and Istari) on the path over the hill. They watched, amazed, as several people holding various instruments strode up over the grass. Needless to say, they grabbed their respective weapons - particularly quickly when a brown-haired, furious woman in front of the crowd hefted her large, curly and above all heavy French Horn.  
  
"Stop! Who are you, and why would you delay us?" Gandalf called to them, receiving a few dirty looks from the trumpet players.  
  
"WE are the unrecognised, underpaid, under-appreciated, unknown, ignored Orchestra! And YOU are the bleeping famous, ever-written-about, all- powerful, stupid main characters! So we're here to get some of the recognition we deserve, you - bleeps!" Cried the French-Horn-holding woman. There were a few yells of agreement from the other Horns, Trombones, Double Basses and Bass Clarinets.  
  
"Hang on - how precisely were we planning to do that again?" said a hesitant Violinist. The whole orchestra paused and looked to the obviously- leading French Horn.  
  
"Well. First we should. Get to know everyone?" She looked to the Fellowship. "We all know you, of course, who doesn't. I'm Hunter - Jillian - French Horn player. And," she said, remembering the size of the orchestra, "Maybe we should split into groups? I think there's a few too many here to know all at once. And NO glomping, drooling or lusting, you fangirls!" A few looked annoyed at this, particularly when Jillian cast an adoring look at the hobbits. However, before she could get lynched by her friends, a short, round, and greying man came running up to them, waving a short stick.  
  
"Sorry I'm late! I had to get some music photocopied for the Violas - who are you?" he puffed, seeing the Fellowship. Most of the people there groaned, but Pippin smiled suddenly.  
  
"WE are the Fellowship of the Ring. YOU are the Orchestra looking for recognition. And." He paused, not sure whether he should say any more, but was interrupted anyway.  
  
"Oh yes, from that movie that everyone keeps talking about in rehearsal?" He asked, sending a few greasies at the embarrassed musicians. "I am their conductor. And they are skipping a performance! Get back to the studio!" he yelled, herding a few of the Trumpets back down the hill.  
  
"No! We're not going back till we have what we want! And what is it we want?" Hunter yelled, turning to the musicians.  
  
"More recognition!"  
  
"And when do we want it?"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
*End chapter 1.*  
  
A/N: Will you join my Society For Recognition Of The Orchestra? Email or review a name, description and instrument (and favourite fellowship-member if you want() or an idea for the plot to me and I'll get you in as soon as I can. And do you want to hear more of any instruments I've missed? Or the Conductor? I'm sorry if this is kinda fixated - I'm just venting over ignored orchestras and the fact that the world revolves around Trumpets and Violins. Thanks for reading, anyway, even if you don't review. TheShroom. 


	2. In Which The Idea Is Put Into Practice ...

What About The Orchestra?  
  
Chapter 2: In Which The Idea Is Put Into Practise - The Breaking of The Orchestra  
  
A/N: Sorry if this chapter's kinda slow, writer's block. Blame my muse - no, actually, I like the Small Cute Frog - any complaints may be addressed to my Mini-Balrog, Samwize. Say hello like the nice miniature, fiery, evil demon you are, Samwize.  
  
Samwize: Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- hello.  
  
See, aren't you a sweet little monster. Here, have some bacon. Anyway, ON with the fic! If you've asked but you're not in this chapter, sorry! I'll get you in as soon as I can. And also sorry about not updating very quickly - real life kept getting in the way of my writing.  
  
PS: Oh, and about my comment on trumpets and violins last chapter - the world may not exactly revolve around them, but if you ask any non-musician to think about music, guess what instruments they'll say? Because it won't be Bass Clarinet or Euphonium or French Horn, will it?  
  
PPS: I need ideas, people! Pllleeeeeeeeeeese review or email and give me ideas, because I've got serious writer's block! Please? I'll give you a part? Pretty please?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. I do not own any of the instruments, or the players. I wish I owned the rest of the characters, but I don't.  
  
~*~  
  
The attempts to get to know the Fellowship had been called off, after Marina had started drooling whenever Boromir spoke (or moved, or breathed, or did nothing). After a lot of discussion, and a lot of those awkward silences when everyone is thinking, Coffeegirl had come up with a good idea.  
  
"We could put up signs and things!" Coffeegirl, a Viola player, declared. The Fellowship looked relieved. At least they wouldn't have to put up with people playing random snatches of music on various instruments in the silences, and the conductor's muttering. He had long since wandered off, sulking and saying something about "Never get it finished.no control.speak to the Director." but had seemed even more put out that this threat was ignored.  
  
"Finally we can get away from these mad people!" Merry whispered to Pippin, who was starting to grin at the very idea.  
  
"Oooh! I've got an even better idea! Start a whole leaflet campaign and have rallies and the Fellowship can come and speak at them!!!" At Paper Crane's suggestion, the fellowship went through various degrees of disappointment, from a sigh to Boromir's keeling over and bashing his head against a rock. Marina started to go and help him, but was stopped by a glare from Legolas, who helped instead.  
  
"Yes. How wonderful." Frodo was wearing a rather fixed smile, but Gandalf and Aragorn were looking troubled.  
  
"And what of the Ring?" Gandalf had long since figured out that the orchestra was apparently all-knowing, at least of the quest, and so saw little point in hiding it. "Is all of Middle-Earth to suffer and die for your campaign for recognition?" Most of the Campaigners looked a little ashamed, but Jillian started smiling and spoke up.  
  
"No worries! Plot hole: this same day is going to repeat over and over again until we finish.or wait, that's a bit open-ended.until each member of the orchestra is at least partially satisfied that they have completed their mission." She looked rather pleased that it was all figured out.  
  
"Right!" Drew the drummer was looking perky. "Who wants to come to Rivendell with me?" He got a smack on the head for that - it was no secret that he disliked Aragorn for getting married to Arwen.  
  
"We're gonna have to split into groups for different places. Number off!" The orchestra finally got into nine (slightly uneven - have you ever tried to keep people in order before?) groups, and each group was assigned a member of the Fellowship.  
  
The hobbits had become slightly overwhelmed by violins, but they had it easy compared to Legolas. He had the largest group of all, because of the fan girls in the orchestra, and was looking rather afraid of attack by a Tenor Saxophone - if you've ever seen one of them, you wouldn't want to offend the owner!  
  
Gandalf and Gimli seemed to have the easiest time of all, most of the LegoLustBunnies coming from their groups, and seemed ready to take the Campaigners touring.  
  
It was decided, by general consensus and a lot of nagging, that Gimli would take his group to Khazad-Dum, as he would know a little more about it than some others. Legolas had been tormented into showing his group around Mirkwood - he looked a little happier about this. He was possibly planning to feed them to the giant spiders. Pippin would tour the Shire; Meriadoc, Orthanc and Isengard; Frodo, the Emyn Muil and Dead Marshes; and Samwise Shelob's Lair and Cirith Ungol. Aragorn would show his group around Rohan (Elrond would have killed him for taking them to Rivendell), while Boromir led his to Minas Tirith. Gandalf had flatly refused to take anyone to Valinor, which was as much his home as anything in Middle-Earth could be, so he would take his group to Lothlorien instead.  
  
A few goodbyes (and fanfares) later, the groups split for their trek across Middle-Earth. 


	3. Of Coffeegirl, Gandalf, and the road to ...

What About The Orchestra?  
  
Chapter 3: Of Coffeegirl, Gandalf and Lothlorien  
  
Coffeegirl noticed several other musicians walking in a group further up. They were obviously agitated about something, and occasionally one would giggle and be shushed by the others. Quickening her pace slightly, she listened in.  
  
"He'll go crazy! We can con him into taking us to Mirkwood-"  
  
"-or the Shire-"  
  
"-or to Minas Tirith!"  
  
"Oh, be quiet! We can't let him know, or he'll kill us! Remember what happened to the Balrog?" A short, bassoon-playing girl (Coffeegirl was pretty sure she was called Liz) shuddered at the thought of what a maddened Istari would do to them. Most of her companions did the same, excepts for one who only looked puzzled.  
  
"Hang on - the Balrog killed him, didn't it? After that Dwarf place?" the unfortunate Marimba player trailed off under the stares of his fellow musicians.  
  
"Didn't you read the books? Even the trailers for the next movies? No- oh, honestly! Well, you can read them yourself, I'm not going to spoil it." Turning away and looking most irate, Liz suddenly spotted Gandalf striding along not twenty feet from them. Quickly whispering "Operation Innocence!" to the others, she began a small tune, which the others in the group picked up. Gandalf shook his head, muttering about "musicians", "never quiet" and "going to kill them one day". Coffeegirl heaved a sigh of relief; no one was going to be badly injured today. You wouldn't believe how much damage a simple stick can do, and when it's wielded by a magic-user. it's not a pretty sight.  
  
Whatever the conspirators were planning, Coffeegirl was reasonably sure that the Istari would stop it. He had uncovered several plots in the first few days of the journey. Most of the band still winced at the memory of the unlucky Bass Guitarist that had kept poking at Gandalf's nose while he was asleep ("It can't be real and that size!" he exclaimed).  
  
Coffeegirl suddenly became aware that the group had stopped. Looking up before she marched straight into a trombone's back, she saw the fringes of Lothlorien not twenty meters from where she stood.  
  
"Wow."  
  
"You bet wow. Haldir's gotta be in there somewhere," an Alto Saxophone giggled, looking excited. Coffeegirl shook her head, pushed her hair back out of her face, and started walking again. Haldir fangirls? What next? But still, she was looking forwards to Lothlorien. Maybe tonight they'd be sleeping in actual beds, not in tents pitched wherever the ground looked flat.  
  
A hush fell on the party as they entered the first trees. The Golden Wood was even more beautiful than in the movies, or even as most had imagined it in the books. And, of course, so were the Elves.  
  
"Tampa!" ??? cried a slim figure that appeared on the path ahead of them. A few girls screamed - whether in fear or delight, Coffeegirl didn't know.  
  
"Haldir! OmygodHaldirIloveyouuuu!!!" The Alto Sax that had giggled earlier ran, screaming, towards the Elf. She barely managed to stop in time when a nocked arrow appeared on a bow right before her nose.  
  
"And that, children, is why you should never glomp an armed Elf," Gandalf informed the group smugly. He then turned to a rather peevish-looking Haldir and began to speak in Elvish.  
  
Liz rubbed her hands together, muttering, "Right! Time to use the Elvish I learned." She strode purposefully towards Gandalf and Haldir, interrupting them. "Oio naa elealla alasse'!" she said, and the talking pair turned to stare at her. Then, with a cry that sounded like Squeeeee!, she sprang at him - the moment the Lorien Elf knocked her unconscious.  
  
"I know what that meant," a contrabassoon said quietly. "Ever your sight is a joy, then My love! Honestly!" Most of the party giggled.  
  
Coffeegirl smirked and hummed under her breath. "Someone's got a crush." She was still laughing softly to herself as Haldir guided them further into Lorien.  
  
[A/N: Happy now, Hannah? Sorry about the lack of updates! It's really hard for me to get on the internet in the holidays - but I'll update more soon! I promise!] 


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